Republishing this piece my husband wrote about two years ago on raising disciplined children. I hope it encourages other parents, especially during this back-to-school season.
Getting Mr N to write can be as difficult as squeezing a camel through the eye of a needle. When he does write, though, his thoughts are inspiring. He posted this on his Facebook wall recently; I wanted to share it here because it contains practical wisdom for parents. Take it away, darling!
I have three little girls—ages 5, 3 and 1½. I am intentionally raising them to be “A” children now so they can become “A” parents in the future. Some call that old-fashioned. I say: if being old-fashioned means my children grow up responsible, aware of consequences, hardworking, respectful of elders, and focused on goals—while still enjoying the benefits of modern life—then I’m proud to be old-fashioned.
My guiding principle is simple: a child’s failure often reflects a parenting failure. True parental success is seeing your children succeed. That success isn’t determined by wealth—many wealthy families raise spoiled children—but by the parents’ self-discipline. I once read that most household problems trace back to a lapse by the household head. I accept that responsibility. With God’s help and timeless principles, I believe a home can be led toward peace, joy, and harmony. That doesn’t mean arguments never happen, but that they are addressed constructively so lessons are learned and relationships strengthened. Building this atmosphere takes time, commitment and ongoing learning—it’s another full-time job—but the rewards are worth it.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Pr. 22:6
Think of parenting like coaching. Coaches don’t sit back and expect victory; they work harder than the team to shape direction, set standards and achieve goals. You can’t give what you don’t have. The first task is deciding the way your child should go. Many parents never define that path, so the world—television, friends, video games, peers, and broader society—ends up teaching their children by default.
Look around and you’ll see moral standards shifting. What was once unacceptable is now normalized under the banner of freedom or modernity. I’m not saying TV or peers are inherently evil, but if they become the primary influences without intentional parental guidance—discipline, affection, motivation and most importantly, example—then it’s unlikely children will grow into responsible adults.
I stress the power of example because children often become reflections of their parents. They mirror our habits, language, tastes and how we treat others—even the things we do in private. My wife and I have seen our daughters imitate our preferences, expressions and behavior. So much of the job is modeling the person you want your child to be. If we restrain ourselves, act with integrity and avoid behaviors we don’t want them to adopt, we are already well on our way.
Does that create a strict, joyless household? Not at all. We have fun and let the children be children, but they also understand boundaries and learn to respect them.
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Pr 19:18
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Pr 13:24
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Pr 22:15
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Pr 23:13-14
There is a clear difference between punishing a child out of anger and correcting a child lovingly and deliberately. Here are practical guidelines we follow:
• If you are very angry, don’t address the behavior immediately. Step away until you have cooled down so correction is calm and constructive.
• Don’t punish immediately for a first minor offense; start with a conversation. Use punishment sparingly and appropriately.
• Avoid disciplining a child twice for the same offense or using disproportionate punishment for a small mistake.
• Explain clearly why the child is being disciplined. They should understand the reason and the lesson to be learned.
• Show love while disciplining. I sometimes talk gently with my daughter or even hug her while she faces consequences. This helps her understand that correction comes from care, not hatred; it also opens space for genuine remorse and promises to do better.
• After the discipline is complete, discuss what happened and the way forward so the child can learn and improve.
• If you choose to spank, do so without causing wounds, bruises or excessive pain—never let punishment be cruel.
• Don’t use lies, scare tactics or invented monsters as punishment. Children eventually outgrow those fears and may lose trust in you when they discover the truth.
• Similarly, avoid using harmless myths as motivational tools that could damage trust. For example, from an early age I explained to my children that Santa Claus is a story. While some find it delightful, I prefer honesty so they learn to trust what we tell them.
• Make sure your chosen consequence is actually meaningful. I’ve seen children trick parents into giving “punishments” the child enjoys. Know your child well so consequences are effective.
Discipline now prepares children for the responsibilities of adulthood. If we fail to guide them, society will correct them in harsher ways later.
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Thank you, Mr N!
What do you think? Do you have other ideas for raising disciplined, godly children? Please share your thoughts below.
