Our Wedding Night: Struggles within the Sheets

Hello lovely people, today is our sixth wedding anniversary!!! To commemorate the day, we'll share with you our wedding night story, first published on our ‘sister’, Commy Mussa’s blog, SISTERS SPEAK 237. We're about to tell you everything that happened right after this photo here:

The moment everyone had been waiting for came. The pastor, in an enthusiastic tone, announced:

“Emm, Brother Fide, it is now time for you to kiss your wife…”Our groom took a few steps towards us and planted a soft unsophisticated kiss on our lips. This was followed by a mixture of applause and screams from the audience. We eagerly waited for the sensual work that had begun to be brought to completion.For the remaining part of the wedding, we wondered what our first would be like. We were expectant and turned our little brain into a questionnaire. We couldn’t wait to escape the crowd and have time with our beau.As the day wrapped up and we got ready to drive off, our ‘god-mother’ held our hands and took us to the front of the car where no one will interrupt us. With a smile that spoke volumes she said,“Today, you are going to be with a man for your first time. Make sure you are sweet in bed.”We drove away without a discourse on what, being “sweet in bed” meant. We happily blessed our driver’s hand with a tip and walked into a three-star hotel on a silent street in Bamenda, Cameroon for a one-night honeymoon experience.

The upscale interior decor was refreshing to the eyes. Various works of art garnished the walls around us. It was a pleasant sight.

The eyes of a brown-skinned receptionist at the welcome desk greeted us. As we negotiated for a room, we could only think of the three letter word that makes the world go round.

The room didn’t fall short of our expectations. The red sheets on the bed spoke the language of love. It was a calm and convenient cubicle. It seemed like the perfect place for a romantic adventure.

After a quick shower, we put on our lingerie and hopped into bed, eagerly awaiting our trip to “lala land”. We knew Mr N.’s “little man” will experience a moment of inflation. We knew he will then insert it somewhere between our legs. We knew, as a pioneer, it will hurt a little but the pleasure will far surpass the pain. What we didn’t know is that we were in for a struggle.Like the fishermen, who became Jesus’ friends, we tolled all night but caught nothing. As our time in the hotel expired, we begged the time to linger so we could try some more but as the cliche stipulates, “time waits for nobody.”

When some family members saw us the afternoon after, dressed in matching clothes, they started ululating. Little did they know that we had not consummated the marriage.

We were totally disappointed in myself. What was we missing? How could we really be ‘sweet’ in bed? We kept trying for the next one week with the same results. Then Mr. N had to leave for work. He worked as a Marine Electrical Engineer in Equatorial Guinea and was going to be away for two long months.

The level of disappointment in myself grew. It was a mixture of confusion, uncertainty and doubt. After examining our lady parts, we concluded that there was no way a thing that big was going to go through and stay there.

We also thought we had been bewitched by some ill-meaning family member. Thoughts were running through our mind like waves in a torrent.

The over one week of trying to eat the fruit of marital goodness seemed like a wild-goose chase. The only results we had were soreness,

We wondered why a thing that novels, movies and friends said was worth making again had turned out so gruesome. Those had been our ‘formal’ educators on sex. When we started menstruating, our mother warned us sternly, “If a boy touches you now, you will get pregnant.” That was about all she ever told us about sex. Our father? He lived his life as though sex didn’t exist. As if that’s not how he produced us. He never went near that topic. Not even in a joke.

Then our biology teacher had managed to teach about sexual intercourse when she inevitably had to cover the topic, ‘reproduction’. The reaction from the class was enough to make a coy lady quickly digress to something else. Yet, among the jeers and boos she pressed on. For the first time, we heard words like, ‘erection’, ‘penis’, ‘vagina’, and others in the sex dictionary pronounced by real lips in the open. It was a pretty rough ride for the teacher, dealing with curious teenagers but she pulled through.

Our other form of sexual education was in the church where we were taught that godly principles required that we remained untouched until our wedding night. It was said that the greatest gift we could ever give our husband on our wedding night was our virginity. Anytime the topic of sex was mentioned in a church youth gathering, there was a rehash of this same phraseology, “keep your primary or secondary virginity as a gift for your husband.”

So, on our wedding night, we matched like a queen into the hotel room with our bridal tiara still on our head as though we were going to receive a “bride of the year” trophy. But the gift we had kept as strictly instructed refused to be unraveled. Our various attempts at penetration failed. It was a night void of coitus.

It took another two months before our breakthrough came in a moment of pleasure mixed with pain. We were glad that the spell was broken. It did not however stop us from wondering if our case was anomalous.

Some months later, we had a chit-chat with a friend who shared a similar experience. She and her to-be husband tried to unlock the gate to her womanhood but kept hitting the wall. She said she thought she needed to have surgery done in which a hole will be created for ‘it’. When we told her our experience, we laughed together.

We understand that a lot of parents, pastors and role models in the society refrain from talking to young people about sex because they do not want to stir the wrong emotions. But there are age appropriate discussions that should take place. What you will tell a 3 year old, may not be what you will tell a 13 year old or even a 30 year old.

A 3 year old may need to know that what she calls ‘pee-pee’ is actually called a vagina while a 13 year old may need to know that she is in a period called puberty and some parts of her body may be more sensitive to touch than others. But a 30 year old needs to know much more than that.

As a young Christian girl, we wish we had been taught that sex is a wonderful thing created by God. We wish we had known more about the details and nature of sexuality. We wish we knew a little more about our body so that we wouldn’t feel like we were suffering from some kind of aberration.

The absence of knowledge is an invitation to fear. When fear comes, it prevents women from having positive sexual experiences. Now that we know better, we will educate our daughters so that the bad side of history doesn’t repeat itself.

What was your wedding night like or what plans do you have for your wedding night??? Don’t be stingy. Lol. Abeg share with us below. You can comment as ‘anonymous’ if you wish. Thanks for reading!