WHY we WILL NEVER BE A MODERN GIRL

We have always been a social misfit. We're not joking. We don’t mean that in a we cannot relate with people kind of way. What this means is that we don’t always seem to fit in whatever society we find myself in. We just don’t fit. Back in our high school days, we wrote an article titled, “real social fitness” that got published in the school magazine. Maybe it was our way of exonerating myself from the “social misfit” cloud that hung over us.

When all our friends were dating and sharing gifts with their boyfriends, we were busy writing poems for them. Who does that? The one time we tried to fit in by partying in our first year at the university, it was so weird. We could feel our salamanda shoes and skimpy skirt begging us to stop. That same year, we met Jesus or rather, Jesus met us. That changed our life completely and our inability to conform intensified. From being the girl with neither swag nor stylish shoes in secondary, to being the girl with no boyfriend in high school, we became an official “church girl”

These days, we no longer meet people in school but on social media. We have discovered that we still do not fit! We have accepted our fate. We will never be a modern “geh”. Here is why:

We need our man

Mr N is not permitted to die. Who is going to pay the bills, fix things around the house or service the cars? We hardly know how those things happen. We are not some Miss Independent who can do it all on her own and needs no man. We are not one who refuses to take her husband’s last name because we want to be viewed as a stong self-sufficient woman. We need our man.

Our place is in the kitchen

While our mates are busy chanting, “a woman’s place is not in the kitchen” we are spending/enjoying most of our life in the kitchen. You see why we say we don’t fit? We are not team #wifenotcook. We are team #feedhusbandtillhecanttakeitanymore.

We don’t have Kim K’s body

And we're not obsessed with having that kind of body either. Our backyard is nothing to write to Ntamassen about. We do not have a killer flat tummy. Our belly is something far, far away from flat. Thank God for big blouses, which we use to cover the multitude of sins. Ha.

We are not widely travelled

These days we see modern “gehs’ on social media visiting all sorts of places: Bangladesh, Thailand, the Bahamas, Cuba, Dubai, even Ukraine. For us, it’s by the special grace of God that we entered America. And even in this America we almost still live like the contri geh that we are. No sipping pina coladas on the beach with a Prada purse and lamboutine shoes. Is it lamboutine or louboutine?

We have never worn human hair

And we don’t intend to buy any human parts called hair to add to our head. The thought alone scares us. But let us tell you the truth, the prices scare us more. All that money for hair???

We do not dress to kill

On most days, we dress to cover the body. We hardly know what the reigning fashion outfit is. You can still find us wearing things that were en vogue in the early 2000s. In fact, a woman saw us the other day in a store and said our shirt reminded her of something she used to wear in the 90s. And we honestly thought we were being stylish. Chai, we have suffered.

Our selfies are not perfect

Our selfie game is so not-on-point. We often try to take as many as we can then we give up because for some reason, the camera in our hand cannot produce the picture in our heart. Why?

So for the reasons above, we will never be a modern girl. Do you identify with any of the things we listed? Are you a modern “geh” or modern “boi”?