When Mr. N asked me to marry him, I did not imagine our courtship would be so brief. We weren’t one of those couples who dated for years before tying the knot. From the February day I said yes, it was only three months until our traditional wedding in May. Our engagement was unusual by today’s standards: there was no dramatic kneeling and “Will you marry me?” I accepted via text. There was no engagement ring from him — I bought my own and wore it so others would know I was taken. True story.
Mr. N is not the type to stage an elaborate proposal the way social media and Western traditions often portray. He approached me with the intention to marry, and I accepted because I wanted to marry him too. There was no need to pretend we were merely dating until a single theatrical moment of proposal.
At times I felt like we were missing something. I wondered whether our wedding should have mirrored a friend’s or whether my gown might have been more stylish (mine was made by Pa Emmanu the tailor—also true). Our celebration wouldn’t have been featured on a glossy wedding blog; it was relatively simple.
I’ve come to understand that you need to appreciate your own path and “cut your wedding coat according to your size.” Life piles on expectations: a proposal, an engagement party, a bridal shower, a pre-wedding photoshoot, then the big ceremony that everyone talks about. It’s easy to focus on the outward trimmings and forget the real work of preparing for marriage.
We skipped many modern trappings partly because I’m a “contri geh” and partly because those customs don’t naturally fit our culture. We passed on the staged proposal, engagement party and bridal shower, and went straight to the traditional wedding just three months after I said yes. I was only 21 going on 22.
In truth, from May to August we took only three more months to complete wedding formalities, so our entire courtship spanned about six months. It was short but full: lots of calls and texts, travel to meet family, holding hands, and planning the wedding. Below are the little details of how our courtship unfolded.
Before I dated Mr. N, I spent time listening to Christian talks and reading books about marriage. One influential voice was the late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya, who often emphasized that courtship should not be too short—you need time to truly know the other person. That advice made sense to me. Many marriage ministers I admired recommended about two years for a healthy courtship, which ours did not follow.
According to Mr. N, we barely had a formal courtship because it took only a few months from his first meeting with my parents to our marriage day. Still, we had known each other for about four years before we dated, even if we weren’t in a relationship during that time.
Our path was unconventional. It wasn’t that we were rushing; rather, Mr. N began discussing traditional marriage plans with my father early on. My father then contacted his kinsmen and the process began. Everything moved quickly, and part of that speed was practical: Mr. N had the financial means to support the arrangements. Had he not, we would likely have waited months or years to prepare financially.
We made the most of our short courtship.
- We talked a lot—about children, where we would live, values, and other important topics.
- We went out frequently, including to the restaurant where Mr. N first asked me out, a place that holds special memories.
- We visited family members often—Mr. N met my relatives repeatedly and I met his mother, brothers, sisters‑in‑law and extended family.
- We held hands constantly—Mr. N rarely let go. As a conservative, church‑raised woman, I was cautious about boundaries; he reassured me that premarital sex would not be an option because it would hurt us spiritually and emotionally.
- We also spoke with our pastor and planned the wedding together, keeping faith central in our decisions.
That essentially describes how our courtship unfolded before we began life as Mr. and Mrs. If there’s one takeaway I hope you carry with you, it’s this: tailor your wedding to your reality. Once you find the right person, don’t let societal pressure dictate every choice. You don’t have to hire a particular makeup artist because someone else did. If you can afford luxuries, that’s fine—but never borrow or overextend yourself simply to meet expectations. Be content with who you are and what you have.
Most importantly, put God at the center. Having God in my life has been the most important anchor and I’m grateful He’s been present from the beginning of our relationship until now.
I hope this story encourages you in your own journey. We’ve been married for over seven years and life continues to get better.