I have always felt like a social misfit. I don’t mean that I can’t relate to people; I mean I rarely fit into whatever social scene I find myself in. In high school I even wrote an article titled “real social fitness” for the school magazine—maybe that was my way of explaining away the label. While friends were dating and exchanging presents, I wrote poems for them. When I tried to join the party scene in my first year at university, it felt awkward and out of place. I remember my salamanda shoes and a skimpy skirt feeling completely wrong. That same year, I encountered Jesus—or rather, Jesus encountered me—which changed everything and deepened my reluctance to conform. From a girl without trendy shoes in secondary school to someone who didn’t have a boyfriend in high school, I eventually became a proper “church girl.”
Now I meet people mostly on social media and I’ve discovered that I still don’t fit in. I’ve accepted it—I will never be what the modern “geh” is portrayed to be. Here’s why.
I need my man
Mr N is not permitted to die. Who would pay the bills, fix things around the house, or service the car? I don’t know much about those tasks. I’m not trying to be a headline-making Miss Independent who rejects traditional roles for the sake of appearing strong and self-sufficient. I want and need a partner—someone to share responsibility and care for our household together.
My place is in the kitchen
While some of my peers chant that a woman’s place is not in the kitchen, I spend a lot of joy and time there. Cooking is something I love and practice often. I’m not on team #wifenotcook—I’m more like #feedhusbandtillhecanttakeitanymore. The kitchen suits me and brings me satisfaction.
I don’t have Kim K’s body
I’m not obsessed with sculpting a celebrity body. My own figure is far from perfectly flat; I rely on roomy blouses to feel comfortable. I’m thankful for clothing that flatters and covers the things I don’t want to emphasize. That’s fine with me—style doesn’t require a particular body shape.
I am not widely travelled
Social media is full of people jetting off to places like Bangladesh, Thailand, the Bahamas, Cuba, Dubai, or even Ukraine. By God’s grace I made it to America, and even here I often live like the country girl I come from. I don’t spend my time sipping pina coladas on exotic beaches with designer bags and shoes. My travel stories are modest, but they are mine—and there’s no need to pretend otherwise.
I have never worn human hair
I’ve never worn human hair extensions and I don’t plan to. The idea is unsettling, and the prices are even more startling. I can’t justify spending that much on hair—so I stick to what feels natural and affordable for me.
I do not dress to kill
Most days my clothing choice is about comfort and coverage rather than chasing the latest trends. I often wear pieces that feel familiar and comfortable, sometimes styles that were popular years ago. A woman in a store once said my shirt reminded her of something from the ’90s, and I honestly took that as a compliment. Fashion comes and goes; I prefer clothes that make me feel like myself.
My selfies are not perfect
My selfie game is weak. I try to capture the image I have in my head, but the camera rarely reproduces it. After taking many photos I often give up, recognizing that perfection isn’t necessary. A few honest, imperfect pictures that reflect who I am feel better than a curated, flawless feed.
For all these reasons, I’ll never be the modern girl the internet often celebrates—and that’s okay. Do any of these traits resonate with you? Are you a modern “geh” or a modern “boi,” or do you, like me, feel more comfortable carving your own path?