Hello precious ladies, welcome to part two of our series “Lessons from the Bible for Today’s Single Woman.” Today we consider biblical mentorship for single women, focusing mainly on the story of Ruth with brief references to Esther.
There is a familiar African saying: what an elder sees sitting down, a young person cannot see even if they climb the tallest Iroko tree. Age and experience often bring perspective that youth and zeal can miss. The Bible also emphasizes the value of wise counsel: “In the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14).
For a single woman, having wise leadership or mentorship in her life is important. A good mentor is dependable and Spirit-filled. Below we first identify mentors to avoid, then outline the qualities of a healthy mentor.
- A mentor who exploits you
- A mentor who is possessive
- A mentor who stifles your growth or fails to bring out your best
Avoid people who display these traits; they will harm rather than help. Now, the qualities of a good mentor:
A good mentor wants you to be fulfilled and seeks the best for you.
This is clear in the relationship between Ruth and Naomi. Naomi told Ruth not to follow her back to her homeland because she did not want Ruth to suffer where there was no benefit for her. Naomi acknowledged she had no remaining sons for Ruth to marry and encouraged Ruth to pursue a better future. A true mentor thinks of the mentee’s wellbeing first rather than expecting the mentee to serve or belong to them.
A good mentor does not make mentorship transactional.
Mentorship should not be about buying prayers, blessings, or loyalty. There is no biblical model for a leader who charges spiritual services in exchange for influence. Ruth and Naomi’s relationship was rooted in genuine love and concern. Likewise, Mordecai’s care for Esther was not transactional — he guided her because he wanted what was best for her.
A good mentor lets you make your own decisions.
Ruth exercised autonomy: she chose to stay with Naomi, to glean in the fields, and to follow the course Naomi advised. Naomi did not control every decision for Ruth. Esther also chose to fast and risk her life by approaching the king. A mentor should guide and advise, not take over your life or dictate every step.
A good mentor makes loyalty easy.
Naomi’s heart for Ruth shows in her words: “My daughter, shall I not seek security for you that it may be well with you?” (Ruth 3:1). Naomi led Ruth to Boaz, and Ruth responded with wholehearted loyalty: “All that you say to me I will do” (Ruth 3:5). When a mentor genuinely seeks your best, loyalty follows naturally. Conversely, one of the worst attitudes is an unteachable spirit. Be open to the wisdom and counsel of mature believers.
A good mentor helps you prioritize what matters most.
Although Ruth might have been attracted to youth or physical appearance, Naomi guided her toward what truly mattered: character, integrity, and reverence for God. Boaz was not chosen for looks but for honour and integrity. Today’s standards often emphasize attractiveness, but without godly character, those qualities are shallow. Naomi helped Ruth prioritize eternal and practical values over superficial traits.
A good mentor makes it safe to open up.
Ruth and Naomi were candid and open with each other. Ruth shared her concerns because she trusted Naomi and felt safe. If you cannot be open with your mentor, the relationship is unhealthy.
A good mentor is humble.
Humility marks a strong mentor. After Ruth married Boaz and bore a son, Naomi served as a caregiver to the child, demonstrating humility and love (see Ruth 4:16). A mentor who models humility is easier to trust and follow.
Personally, the mentorship of my pastor’s wife played a vital role in my marriage. She helped me focus on what matters, provided a safe place for vulnerability, and served with humility. When I had my first baby, she came to the hospital early to help. Her Spirit-led care made a lasting difference in my life.
Remember: a mentor need not hold an official title. Any godly person who genuinely serves the Lord and wants the best for you can be an instrument of mentorship. My prayer is that you find a mentor as caring as Naomi and that you respond with the loyalty Ruth showed.
Final Thoughts
I encourage you to read the books of Ruth and Esther, especially Ruth, to gain fuller insight into these examples. These narratives are rich with lessons that cannot be exhausted in one post.
Next Tuesday we will address how to “wait” for your husband.
Thank you for reading. Do you have mentors in your life? How do those relationships work? Let’s discuss in the comments below.