When Marilyn first began courting George, he seemed like the ideal partner. He was attentive, attractive and deeply spiritual. He cared for her, overlooked small faults and gently guided her. Because of this, Marilyn felt drawn to him—convinced she had found the perfect husband.
She eagerly anticipated marriage, confident their union would bring lasting warmth, joy and love.
George accepted her flaws and corrected her with kindness, which made Marilyn feel secure and grateful to be his wife. As wedding plans progressed, their relationship culminated in marriage and, at first, everything appeared to be exactly as she had hoped.
Over time, however, small cracks began to appear. George sometimes lost his temper and brought up past mistakes, turning gentle reminders into harsh criticisms. Marilyn, who had once seen only his virtues, began to feel hurt and resentful. He, in turn, grew resentful as well. The imperfections both partners had previously overlooked now became obvious and painful.
Nigerian minister Pastor Bimbo Odukoya (RIP) described marriage simply as “a union between two forgivers.” That definition highlights a core reality: if you cannot forgive, you cannot fully enjoy the gift of marriage.
Here are some reasons why marriage requires mutual forgiveness:
- No two people are the same. Differences in temperament, upbringing and expectations mean your spouse will inevitably disappoint or hurt you at times—even without intent. Complete satisfaction is impossible, so hurts will occur.
Because of this inevitability, forgiveness becomes essential. Jesus taught Peter to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22), illustrating that forgiveness has no useful limit in relationships.
The Bible links love and forgiveness: to love is to forgive. When your partner hurts you, choose to forgive repeatedly rather than keeping score.
That is often easier said than done. Human strength alone is usually not enough to forgive consistently. Many believers look to the Holy Spirit for help in extending grace where it is difficult.
“If we are living by the Spirit, by the Spirit let us be guided.” — Galatians 5:25 (BBE)
When I feel wounded by my husband’s words or actions, I sometimes pause, close my eyes and ask the Holy Spirit for help. That prayer often opens my heart and enables me to forgive when bitterness threatens to take hold.
Forgiveness is a gateway to greater happiness in marriage. Cultivating an attitude of grace—choosing to forgive even before being fully ready—changes the dynamic between spouses. Forgive, and keep forgiving.
