Dear African husbands,
We, the desperate housewives, are writing to you because enough is enough.
We are your wives, not just the mothers of your children. So stop calling us nicknames that reduce our identity, like “Mami Boy,” “Ma Prisci,” or “Mummy.” Those names make us feel invisible. Worse still, when guests are around you sometimes don’t even know how to address us and resort to “you!” or “madame!” That’s cold. Use affectionate names like Queen, Babe, Dearest, My Beloved, or Sweetheart — and don’t reserve them only for the bedroom. Call us those names everywhere, anytime.
Kiss us. Kiss us in public and stop dodging opportunities to show affection. Handshakes and side hugs are for acquaintances; we are your wives and we need more. When you see us in public, come and kiss us. We may blush, but we will cherish it. Public displays of affection don’t diminish your dignity; they celebrate our bond. We understand that cultural upbringing can make this feel awkward, but please learn to show affection openly.
We want real kisses — the joining of mouths — even when others are around.
Your masculinity isn’t threatened when you help with housework. On the contrary, it shows love and partnership. Learn some household chores. Don’t treat domestic tasks as exclusively ours. Sharing chores demonstrates respect and strengthens attraction. It also makes daily life smoother for everyone.
Seriously, help out — without being asked.
Notice when we change our hairstyle or when our makeup is on point. Compliments matter. Say things like, “That is beautiful,” “That hair looks amazing,” “I’m proud to show you off,” or “Those lips are hot!” Praise our cooking when it’s good. Be sincere — women can tell when praise is genuine. Encouragement and sweet words help us feel seen and loved.
Tell us you love us often. There’s no such thing as too many “I love yous.” Reassurance strengthens our bond and keeps the relationship alive.
Keep your underwear clean and maintain personal hygiene. Changing your boxers regularly and bathing daily are basic courtesy and show respect for yourself and your partner.
Don’t blame us for being late. Preparing children, meals, and ourselves takes time. If you want things to run on schedule, plan and prepare too. A little foresight goes a long way.
Support our goals and dreams. We are not just caretakers; we are individuals with ambitions. Encourage our education, careers, and projects. When we have goals to pursue, we are more fulfilled and less likely to fall into constant complaining. Be our biggest supporter.
Learn to communicate. We need conversation, listening, and emotional engagement. Be present during discussions. Being a good listener is a vital skill in marriage.
Be romantic. Buy flowers, plan weekend getaways, and spend quality time together. Not every moment must lead to sex; sometimes we simply want to hold hands, watch the stars, and be close. Cook for us, serve breakfast in bed, write notes or poems, and show affection through small, consistent gestures. Holding hands says we face life together.
Stop using “I’m a man” as an excuse for being overbearing. Strength and masculinity need not equal dominance. True manhood includes respect, gentleness, and restraint.
To those who resort to violence: stop. Physical abuse is unacceptable and cruel. No one who loves you should fear you. If you hurt your wife, you destroy the bond that once made your heart beat. Violence scars families and will bring consequences. Use your strength to protect and provide, not to harm.
Stop using polygamy or “natural” instincts as an excuse to cheat. Fidelity is a choice. Desire is not a justification for betrayal. Self-control and commitment are foundational to a healthy marriage.
Share the responsibility of raising the children. Be involved in their schooling, help with homework, read to them, pray with them, play with them, and teach them. Parenting is both mothering and fathering; don’t call your involvement “help.” It is called being a parent.
A wife who is loved and cherished will respond in kind. Keep courting us. Keep flirting and pursuing us as you did before marriage. Read about relationships if you must — make the effort to nurture love, not neglect it.
We, the women of Africa, long for men who are committed to their families, who cherish and protect the covenant of marriage.
Above all, husbands of Africa, love your Creator. A healthy relationship with God guides compassion, patience, and sacrificial love. Let faith inform your leadership at home and be the spiritual anchor for your family.
We love you and are always striving to grow. Read this letter again, apply these suggestions, and our love will flourish and deepen.
Thank you!
Signed,
Mrs N, Chairlady of the Desperate Housewives Committee,
On behalf of all African wives.